Emma Chapman

Bye Bye Bald Babies

Wigs for babies. Baby wigs. Whichever way you say it, it sounds weird. At first I couldn’t quite comprehend the point of the concept, and started to worry that perhaps now babies were being forced under the scrutiny of the ever-unsatisfied eye of societal beauty standards. BABIES! But luckily my fears were sated as, perusing the website, they clearly state “At Baby Bangs! We believe in the beauty of childhood”.

PHEW. For a moment there I thought they weren’t believing in the beauty of childhood, what with strapping a specially designed hair piece made of fake hair to a baby’s head so that from birth (Baby Bangs! HAIR+bands have passed safety testing for infants 0-9 months!) your baby too can have the locks they always dreamed of.

Oh no, wait… they were only just born.

We are all aware of the pressures of beauty standards enforced upon us all as we grow up, but putting a baby in a wig… doesn’t that just scream, “Sorry baby, but you’re too ugly as a baldy”? Bearing in mind the vast majority of babies are born next to, or entirely, bald. Why not teach them from birth about the inadequacy they’ll feel for the next 80 years (the average expectancy, according to trusty Wikipedia)?

baby wigs

Apparently, the beauty standards of having a full, luscious, shiny head of hair, complete with bejewelled adornment, have somehow, bizarrely, filtered down to the age of nought. As we grow up, those of us interested in fashion and beauty are able take great joy in playing around with hair, makeup clothes, whatever we fancy. But does that really compute when considering a baby, who has yet to walk, talk, even sit up by itself, let alone declare that it feels it would be more content, feel a little more attractive, with a full head of (fake) hair, being put in one of these frankly creepy designs, by some overbearing parent who wishes for all to see how beautiful their little princess is? After all, how could anyone find a bald baby beautiful?

These wigs are “Made just for little girls”, mind. No hair for you, boys! Perhaps this is an ingenious invention to avoid that semi-awkward “is it a boy/girl?” question that one is subjected to as a new mother or father. To be honest though, this solution seems to me about as crass as walking around with an “I’M A GIRL!” banner fixed to the bow of your newly purchased pram, so as to avoid any such conversations.

I don’t really buy the argument that it’s just a bit of fun either – the same kind of thing as putting your baby girl in a pretty dress, or giving her a cute pair of socks. What that is, is clothing, necessary to keep your baby warm and covered. And if it happens to be a colourful, floral dress that’s pleasing to the eye, then good for you. This is hair we’re talking about. Perhaps parents these days are too impatient to wait a few months for their baby’s real hair to grow in. But from where I’m standing, there’s no argument that can make me feel that the sale of wigs that give your baby “the opportunity to have a beautifully realistic HAIR style” when they probably just want to roll around a bit and be fed regularly, is a good idea.

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