Emi d'Escrivan-Nott

Make Love Not Porn.

ARTICLE

Last week I stumbled across an article on facebook (which many of my peers seemed to have also stumbled on) about the ‘MakeLoveNotPorn’ business set up by Cindy Gallop: ‘it’s not porn that degrades women, it’s business that degrades porn’. Since the beginning of my internet usage I have been curious about the world of pornography. I was fifteen the first time I came across it in an innocent accident, I typed the letter ‘B’ into google on my then boyfriend’s computer and it flashed up with ‘BIGTITS.COM’. I was insulted, angry, degraded, tearful and then…I logged into the website a couple of weeks later out of curiosity. I discovered an inner voyeur, a very guilt ridden one, but one that needed to know more. I am twenty years old now and I have kept the ‘dirty’ secret of my underworld fascination to myself for five years. The big shock came when Cindy Gallop explained how when she has sex with younger men they perform ‘hardcore’ sex and how as she is an older confident woman she feels no shame in re-educating these men. I realised that she was summing up every single one of my sexual encounters, except for the confidence to say no part. Not that hardcore sex is not a valid and enjoyable way to have sex, but it’s not the only one. It rings true that our generation and younger ones are now learning about sex through the internet, and pornography being a business dominated by men and for men it becomes a world that caters for a one dimensional fantasy; women’s desires are not explored.

Cindy Gallop’s website aims to create real world sex videos. Different fantasies, real couples, all types of body and there’s even pubic hair!. Cast the skinny blondes with fake breasts and permanently arched backs begging you to cum in their faces out of your minds, here come the real women. The really interesting feature of this site is that couples who want to satisfy their fantasy of creating their own porn film can do so and earn half of the profits from the videos, creating a way where couples can explore their desires and earn a fair wage!.

Gallop quite rightly says that ‘When you force something – anything – into the shadows and underground, it’s a lot harder to stop bad things happening, that will, over time, have far-reaching social effects’. The pornography industry is often linked with bad business practices, abuse of underage girls, drugs, increase of sexual assault and sex slavery. Imagine a world where the casting couch doesn’t exist, where you don’t become part of a dangerous underworld culture but you are looked after as a worker, with the same rights and protections as someone working in a bank. It is naive to think that the world of pornography will just disappear if we push hard enough, the most effective way to control it is to bring it to light and as part of mainstream culture. It presents a unique opportunity to talk about healthy sex practices in an open forum and educate the younger masses about the real world of sex and not the woman hating world of underworld pornography. Young women can learn about their bodies and the validity of their sexual fantasies leading them to express them without shame. Young men could become more aware of women’s desires and their role as lovers, they would learn to respect their partners and talk to them about their sexual relationship. What a novel idea in 2013!

It is bizarre how our society is prepared to display sex and violence in the media in a way that makes them almost indistinguishable from each other, yet many parents won’t talk to their children about sex, women’s virginities are guarded under guilt and shame and ‘slut’ naming prevails. Young men are pressured to think of themselves in a certain way when it comes to sex and women are told not to think about it at all. Everyone enjoys sex in a different way, everyone has a fetish and a desire, this doesn’t have to be dark secret anymore. To anyone reading this who disagrees with me vehemently about using porn in a positive way instead of eradicating it, let me point out that erotica has been explored since the beginning of civilization first through art and then literature, we didn’t just invent it a few years ago, it’s part of our exploration of humanity. If we eliminate porn as a valid exploration we condemn it to hide and to become dangerous. I keep thinking that if I had benefitted from a culture that talks about healthy sex openly I would have had the confidence to say no to violent sexual situations and would have expressed my own desires. More importantly though, three years and five sexual partners later, I may have had an orgasm.

Emi d’Escrivan

@emiandcake

One thought on “Make Love Not Porn.

  1. Man can’t know without reading blog. I got many information to read this blog and share my friends. Love is love it is not porn. Porn doesn’t make love. It is temporary.
    Thanks

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